I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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