I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize