So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
