Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
