the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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