I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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