Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you had me at cake vodka
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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