Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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