Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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