you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
