im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
