Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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