remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my phone needs a breathalizer
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
