just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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