I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
worst night to have a conscience
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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