she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
