i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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