Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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