I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
