To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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