This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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