We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
