Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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