Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
