I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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