it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
