Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
