i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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