My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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