Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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