Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
