He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
