So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
