Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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