I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
