i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I believe in your delicious
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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