I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
