Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
