Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Acid is not a monday night drug
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
