last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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