Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
