Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
