Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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