I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
