It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just had sex bonerless
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
