Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
