yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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