Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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