A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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