At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize