I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
