my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
