Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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