My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
