The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize