I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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