Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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