You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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