I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize