Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So vagazzling was a success
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
