If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
