Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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