if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
