i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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