remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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