yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
